MNF Session 17: of ninja tides

Thunderspire was a bust.  Hearing rumors of a lost, tropical continent in the southern seas, Horns of War booked passage on a southbound sailing vessel. After some bribery and subtle coercion we had convinced the captain that an exploratory voyage to this mysterious jungle land would be an excellent idea. Pack your bags gentle readers we are going on a cruise.  Drinks with little umbrellas in them, half naked island folk, coconut bikini tops, this would be the best trip ever.

Sadly, adventurers cannot ride on boats without something awful happening to them and this trip would be no different. As an aside, why on earth would any non-suicidal captain even allow adventurers aboard any ship, ever?

Regardless, several weeks, yes, weeks… it takes forever to get anywhere with a stupid boat, teleportation WHERE ART THOU!?!?! Where was I? Yes, several weeks into the journey, the occasional storm, and a dragon turtle sighting later we hit an aqua speed bump. Another ship came into view, under a veil of ocean mist, under the flag of piracy! Aboard this rival vessel was a crew of ninja pirates. (I am not making this up, though they could have been pirate ninjas for all I know). They began a siege against our small, but sturdy ship; ninjas flying through the air, fire, death, bedlam. Just for flavor, a storm rolled in, lightening splitting the sky, illuminating the epic sea battle. Thunder began rolling across waves to shake the burning timbers of the ships. But wait, it gets even better.

A whirlpool began to form at least a dozen ships wide, funneling down, down, down into the inky darkness of the endless sea bottom. Both vessels, heroic and ninja, were now caught in this behemoth spiral! You might want to sit down, because there is more. One after another pillars of sinuous pink flesh each four times as thick as the main mast burst forth from the water surrounding the two ships. Someone yelled (probably Captain Obvious himself), “KRACKEN!”  The kracken began savaging the ships, and at that the fight between ninja pirates and Horns of War was a moot point.  I found the most authorative looking ninja and told him, “Look, Yoshi Blackbeard, or whatever your name happens to be, we have to work together or we are all squid snacks.”

Nodding his accent we lashed our two ships together, combined sails and skill, dropped all available cargo, including the gun powder barrels (which we blew up in the kracken’s face), and crested the edge of the whirlpool. Daring escape? You know it.  But now the chase was on, a chase we were sure to lose, with the kracken jetting after us, there was little hope for our survival.  Or was there?

It turned out the ninja pirates lived on a floating island, probably a turtle, I never confirmed this, but on this island was a powerful sea dragon. Well, he was a territorial fellow apparently, because as soon as the Kracken jetted too close the fight was on.  Popcorn, peanuts, it was a Godzilla-esque super battle like I had never seen, in fact the two titans fought for HOURS, 7 to be precise, and again I swear to you I am not making this up.

Eventually our deadly towering monster of death was the victor, tired from the battle and its wounds it returned to its lair to rest.  Horns of War then paid tribute the beast by donating all their available coinage and gems… and residium… *sigh* Look, it was that or be fed to the dragon.  So we celebrated, huge party, 7 days long. Restocked our supplies (hey look at that we are totally broke) checked our heading, mapped the charts, scurvied the dog, shivered a timber, insert more nautical terms here, and two weeks later made landfall on the beaches of the southern continent, who as it turns out was having some trouble with snakes…

TNF Backstory: Kivelis

By Arthur Ogilvie

I guess I can start when I can remember since the beginning is too far away for me to recall. When I was 10 I learned to pick up a sword.

My mom would yell at me but my father would say to her:

“I am making him a man. He needs to learn to protect himself and the village. This is where I started. THIS is where he will start.” and continue to help me clasp the hilt. I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t even know what a sword was for that was until that night. The night where my mother and father went missing. Till this day I don’t really know what happened. I ran around the small house and checked the forge and barn around it but they weren’t there. I started to panic and ran to my room and sat scared in the corner thinking of what I would do if they were gone. Then I thought maybe, maybe they just left to get food or supplies. Maybe they left to get clothes…I’m sorry I’m not really good at talking about this not that it really matters anymore.

Anyway, I was on my way to the market when my neighbor stopped me and grabbed my arm I protested as he tried to drag me away but he snapped at me. My body went ridged and the hairs on my neck stood up. I remember this part of my life well as the neighbor dragged me to the outskirts of town where all the other villagers waited and gossiped about what was going on in the village. I couldn’t make out the murmurs and not long after I arrived I didn’t need to. I watched as a large man clad in the fur of a white bear walked purposely toward the villagers. He carried the bodies of two of guardsmen, I had seen my father talk with, over his back. After he reached us he flung the bodies down at our feet and his face was fuming as he did so.

“I was told this village had great fighters…I was told they would stop at NOTHING to protect their village.” his voice was loud and boomed with confidence I can see it now but he wasn’t ready for the root of the rumors. For in every great rumor there lies a grain of truth.

“That’s me I am the one they speak of.” A man stepped from the crowd clad in plate, a large metal shield in one hand and his helmet under his other arm, his blade still sheathed and ready. The armor shinned but even so, looking at him the townsfolk still appeared worried. The man was 5 feet and close to 6, but the giant of a foe still towered over him the giant’s smirk revealed that he noticed the difference as well.

“I have been to the deepest part of the Darkwood forest and back. You DARE mock me with this ‘challenge’?”

The man secured the helm and spoke to the giant before the visor went down. “While I applaud your achievement, as I have heard the Darkwood is a dark and evil place, I do not challenge you…”

The crowd gasped and I briefly felt hope slip away then the man continued and I felt at ease”…I simply cannot move as this is my home and I will continue to make it my home.”

With that the visor went down and the giant readied his large club. I pushed forward to the front of the crowds that were too terrified to cheer the man on. I saw him and pushed forward to greet him…till this day I do not know why. He looked down at me and smiled, “You’re a brave one I hope what you see today shows you how important a home is. Now please stay back *laugh* I think this man is serious.”

I walked slowly backward and took my place at the front of the crowd. The giant swung his massive club and struck the man’s shield a loud sound pulsed through me but the man stood his ground his sword still in his sheath. The crowd pelted him with fighting critiques and scorn. He was focused as the giant wailed on his shield. I couldn’t hear what he was saying but I knew he was asking the giant to stop fighting, then the man’s words ceased.

He was there and then he wasn’t, a blur that appeared to the back of the giant. I traced the battlefield with my eyes trying to make sense of what had happened. Then I saw the man’s sword dripping with blood as the giant fell lifelessly behind him.

Gerald Firesworn was a captain of some army whose name I have forgotten. He was just passing through and it was lucky that he did, for in this man I found my purpose and I found reason. Though I never found my parents and one day I wondered out of town I hung on to Gerald’s words: ” I hope what you see today shows you how important a home is.” .

I found out later that the man didn’t even live in the town but he had stopped by frequently enough to consider it so, or did he call everywhere he went his home, yeah I’d like to think that, as he would believe what I believe now.

before the armor of Glintaxe... there was scalemail

MNF session 16: Letting the Blood Klowns

Well, I have to admit, Horns of War was a little pissed off.  Here they are, rolling up into the remote mountains, delving into the earth to bring some aid and succor to a community in need, and what do they get? A xenophobic, paranoid, power-hungry, fear mongering, barrel of fuckery. Pardon my Elven.  So the second in command of the local government is secretly supporting the Blood Klown Klan? Not hard to imagine how this played out.  You secretly raise a little rabble, something to scare the common folk, put that fear back in them so they hide under the skirts of local government. Use this propaganda to discredit your rivals, while playing up your strengths. Until, like that baby basilisk you bought at the fair, it grows into a bigger beast than you can handle.

So now the Blood Klowns are operating independently of Anklyar, using the resources he gave them in a campaign to take over all of Thunderspire labyrinth.  Good show boys, good show.  Sadly for you, there has been a hefty price laid on your heads, and a certain Horns of War reputation dragged through the muck.  Killing your leader will not only bag some coin, but more importantly clear our names.

And that, gentle readers is what we did.

Hell have no fury like The Horns of War venting some stress after being betrayed, falsely accused, tried, and nearly imprisoned.

We left a trail of carnage, brains, gore, shattered skulls, frozen flesh, ash, melty bits, and urine stains throughout the Blood Klown Klan’s secret stronghold. Hobgoblin guts mingled freely, with shattered rogue minotaur horns, exploded duergar, and the odd burninated human. If anything, it was racial harmony on a unparralleled scale. When we finally cornered their leader, there was no parley, there was no “talk it out.”  We killed his guards, captured him, forced a confession, implemented Anklyar, cleared our names, and clocked out for the day.

I know Horns of War is pretty incredible, but in this particular instance, we handed these guys their hats.

The city of Thunderspire then proceeded to fail, in both their level of sorrow at mistaking us for villains, and in the rewarding of bountiful loots and prizes.  In fact, they had the nerve to mention needing even more help against a cabal of demon worshipping gnolls, and a tribe of evil minotaurs claiming rights to the city and all lands in the labyrinth.  Well, gentle reader, what can I say? Hearing of this further blight upon the fair denizens of Thunderspire, I was moved to action.  I turned my beautiful face towards the city leader, highest wizardess of the tower council, locking eyes with her I heroically said,

“Tough Titties.”

And the Horns of War left Thunderspire never to return again.

-Cham

remember to tip your service folks

MNF session 15: leaving Thunderspire

Escape under guard from the mage tower

Daring chase scenes across subterranean city rooftops

Liberation of confined lizard mounts

Defeat of ogre militia leader and associates

Deft evasion of pursing city guard, local militia, and mage guild

Tactical retreat from city into the bowls of the Labyrinth

This has been the abridged play-by-play of our escape from Thunderspire City.  Thank you and good night

-Cham (sorry kids this happened over a year ago and my beautiful brain is too tired to remember the details… unless i made them up… but what kind of bard does that?)

MNF: Psyche

Just a doodle on a whiteboard, but I liked the sharp contrasts. And it looks happy (for a robot?)

TNF: Hot Links

Herd of Cats was both quick and wise to parley with the Sage of Wind, one of the 4 great spiritual elders to the Gersen Kobold Klan.  After betraying his own people to the heroes, and expositioning a fair dump truck of plot, Kertlekrep, once called great one, was allowed to leave the dungeon, his loyalist in tow.

But now what? According to Gwendolyn the gnome the five children managed to escape, but have become lost in the dungeon, and one them, Jurin Threed no less, is held captive by a shadowy beast of evil and flame! And the remaining childrem, as well as Gwen’s surviving friend, are to be put to death, in a grisly sacrifice to empower the kobold king!

Tense.

So the Herd of cats traveled northward eventually defeating the locked door in their pass, they encountered a chamber containing a large metal cauldron, suspended over a dark pit by chains and pulleys. Standing guard over this makeshift elevator was a retinue of kobolds, slingers and skirmishers, led by a Black Scale Hunter.  Essentially the ninjas of kobold culture.

i know you scared

The fight had the potential for greatness, but a fat monk getting stuck the cauldron, a poisonous snake in someone’s armor and an extremely modest de-loinclothed kobold slinger contributed to the most embarrassing kobold fight I have ever seen (and that says A LOT). Routed, the Kobold ninja, and accomplices, fled down the elevator shaft to warn their people of encroaching adventurers.

Heading northeast, they encountered a series of narrow tunnels choked with a black ash that made both visibility and movement extremely difficult. So difficult in fact that an overweight dwarf had to make several acrobatics skill checks to squeeze through.  There they found a chamber containing this ghastly sight:

"Hi HO Hi HO, into my chain you go!"

the entrance to the room was also guarded by this beauty:

did someone say scooby snacks?

This fight had a little 4e spice thrown into it, and man was it good.  The party avoided a complete napalm disaster when Fizzleslicky summoned a celestial badger to distract the hell hound, who was about to fill the narrow, hero packed tunnels, with lava breath.  Snickersnack the badger was dead, and the hell hound hiked a leg on the smoldering blue ashes, melting the floor a little.

All the while the chain wrapped, undead dwarf continued to hammer away at a glowing metal link, a link possibly sealing the soul of young Jurin Threed, into the beast’s chain forever.  Kevalis clanked forth to taunt and do battle with the hell hound, while Zazzamook shifted around for the flank.  F’hal set loose a burst of holy energy, healing the party and damaging the Dead Smith.  His hammering abated, the undead began to survey the room with its dead eyes. Sophie, concealed in darkness took her shot burying an arrow into the creature’s writhing chains, and drawing its ire.

The hell hound then loosed its fiery plasma breath on more than half of the party, all of whom avoided the full force of the blast.  The Dark Smith moved towards Sophie, leisurely tossing its hammer and catching it, slowly, until it was upon her.  With a resonating crunch the hammer blow came and Sophie’s left knee was shattered.  Bone splintered and blood spouted as Sophie lay prone at the creature’s chain wrapped feet. It raised its hammer for the killing blow…

Fizzleslicky summoned a fiendish hawk which flew into the face of the Dark Smith, while Kevalis strode forward to engage both the Smith and his Hound at once. Seizing the opportunity, Zazzamook, shifted over to the anvil and grabbed the burning chain with both hands, ignoring the scalding burns from the chain and summoning every once of strength available (and I mean every once) the monk broke the half-forged link in twain. A dull pulse was emitted from the sundered link, which stunned the Dark Smith where he stood, dropping him to his knees.   

The hell hound turned on Zazzamook delivering two deadly bites and dropping the nearly dead monk to the cavern floor. Kevalis began bashing and stabbing into the beast taking advantage of its weakened state.  Sophie stood shakily on her broken leg took careful aim and fired over and over again into the Dark Smith’s stunned face.  With a shudder his head collapsed in like a rotten pumpkin and his physical form melted away.  All that remained were his hammer and his chain.  The hell hound, its master slain, returned to its plane of origin.

images © wizards of the coast, paizo, and blizzard. tnx.

TNF: House Rules

In this episode, 2 new gameplay rules were introduced.  The first was X-treme critical hits and fumbles.  The X you see, makes it that much more extreme.  Under this system, a critical is still a critical, however if you roll again to confirm, it becomes an X-tream critical hit.  These often only further increase the damage being dealt, but they can also be quite nasty, and quite deadly.  A critical fumble is triggered by a natural 1, followed by a second roll that would be a failure.  A lot of extra rolling to be sure, but ultimately a lot more exciting and interesting for combat.

The second gameplay element introduced was the minor action.  Taking a leaf out of the 4e tome, i assigned each member of the party a personalized minor action, to keep things interesting, and to alleviate guilt that i was mashing 4e and pathfinder monster stat blocks together. 

The fighter now taunts, aka, marks as a 4e fighter would.

The ranger can “aim” at targets granting cumulative tokens (thank you iron heroes)

The monk can now shift 1 square as a minor action

The cleric can Bless another, granting a +1 to the next die roll of any one ally with 5 square burst, or +2 if the ally is adjacent.

and the summoner can grant his eidolon a +1 to attack or def for one round

I figure that 2 more minor actions can be added in, at levels 10 and 20 respectively,  to further spice things up, in the meantime i feel that it give the low-level characters a little bit more to think about in combat than the standard move and hit, hit and move equation.

TNF: Herd of Cats

Powa. Absolute poWa! You scared?

 

The votes are in… Thursday Night Fights has named themselves “Herd of Cats”

TNF – gnome gnapping

Tonight’s session was delayed, and only consisted of one encounter, one very big, very bad, very crazy encounter.

hostage situation, negotiating with kobold terrorists?

The group had encountered kobolds before, but the fights had been very one-sided.  The kobolds surrendered and begged for their pitiful lives, which the players thought was pretty funny.  This fight was different.  They stumbled into this encounter only to find a female gnome caster being accosted by a mix of 12 kobolds, minions, skirmishers, and slingers.   Only marginally concerned for her safety they waded into battle, and what a battle it was.

gnome damsel in distress. copywrite blizzard.

The encounter was loaded up with minions, and thanks to a complete lack of AoE attacks the minions were able to swarm the heaviest hitting dps and drop him in the first round. (The gnome summoner’s eidolon.)  In subsequent rounds the kobolds managed to subdue both the gnome summoner and the female gnome and tactically retreat, free shift by free shift, back towards their lair.  McFightar, the party tank, got to flex his new armor and was literally a tank in this battle. Even the two lucky blows that were landed on him were deflected by his shield.

F’hal, the party cleric, managed a longe range heal on the gnome summomer as he was being dragged away, which brought him back to conciousness.  At this point the gnome summoned a back up monster while feigning death, and the beast he summoned proceeded to assassinate most of his kobold captors.  Ah yes… the hell viper, a 19 stealth balanced by a max damage output of 1. wait… minions only have 1 hitpoint… dammit

haHA!

The session ended with the heroes and the Kobold shaman facing off across the seemingly prone body of the gnome summoner, possibly getting ready to negotiate, or possibly planning more bloodshed.

As a side note, this is a picture of how ridiculous a human looks wearing dwarven armor:

what? it says medium!

“We are going to need more holy water” -Season of the Witch

*This post is one giant spoiler for the movie. you have been warned.*

This is not a movie review blog, and let’s face it, this movie couldn’t survive another review. I am talking about “Season of the Witch” at a hilarious 7% freshness rating.  While I can admit to a certain dirty, guilty pleasure, that of intentionally finding and watching terrible movies, I will be one of the first people to testify that this movie, was a terrible train wreck of shameful badness.  And I loved it.

While this was a terrible movie, don’t even joke around about using the word “film”, it was actually a really great D&D one shot adventure.

say what?

Think about it….

cast of characters: big knight, hero knight, squire(multiclass priest), priest/monk, rogue, random npc to be killed off first. players pick them or randomly assigned.

mission: deliver this witch to the crazy evil sounding obviously haunted monestary. “Savarock”… seriously wow.

settings: town full of plague victims, crazy bridge over bottomless chasm, “wormwood forest” (heck yea), haunted monestary

encounters: roleplay with the plagued bishop, illusion chase through plague town to recapture escaped witch, skill challenge for bridge crossing, wolf fight in wormwood, showdown with undead monks and demon in monestary.

"I made this same face the entire movie"

I am telling you, that would be an excellent night of over the top pulp fantasy horror goodness.

Heck, if I had the time and the inclination I would post the whole thing as an unofficial 4e one shot adventure.

 

Big Knight forgot his Hellboy makeup